Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Continued Disappointment

OK, here's what you've all been waiting for ... my failed portroid attempts / real unportroided sightings.

If the old adage, "Every man's success diminishes me" holds true (and I know it does), then my failure should give you strength (to laugh and point at me (like the schoolyard days of old)).

Let's rip this Band-Aid off right quick!!

At the 2006 USCAF, I saw many portroidable, but unportroided, celebrities. Most common among them was Jon Favreau. We saw Jon everywhere. He was the Everywhere Unportroided Celebrity, like Donal Logue of 2005, and Illeana Douglas of 2004 (who we also saw this year, and didn't portroid). I was even directly in line behind Jon (and Janeane Garofalo (who's portroid I took last year) at the Paradise Bakery. I had to ask him to step aside so I could get some napkins, but for some reason, though I'm a fan, I never asked to take his portroid. Weird? Yes.

OK, who else? How about a couple of folks you might know as Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston? Yes, that's right. I saw them together. I didn't take their picture. That's just how I roll, I guess. In my defense (and I always have a defense for my every action), I only saw them in the audience during one of the comedy shows. They made quick work of escaping undetected after the show. They are stealth like ninjas. Celebrity ninjas!!

Um, what more? Here are a few names for you to put in your top hat and how-de-do: Chris Tucker (during a performance, not elsewise), Dana Gould (walked by me a couple times - I'm nothing if not stupid), Goldie Hawn (saw her twice - once when it was a perfect opportunity that I just let pass right by), Kurt Russell (with Goldie, just those two and me in the St. Regis lobby. Did I get a portroid? I think you know that answer. It's no. If you didn't know that answer), Louis C.K. (I followed him to the basement and was a few feet away, but felt like a stalker, so stalked away), Illeana Douglas (don't want to break that streak, now do I?), Lisa Henson (got her brother's portroid, but not her. Why? You may as well ask why the caged bird sings. Actually, that doesn't make sense, so don't ask that.), Robert Wuhl (because I don't really know him), Aziz Ansari (he was too social with his own group and I had to catch the last bus to Snowmass, where periphery people like me had to stay), Janeane Garofalo (already had her portroid - like I already said), Garry Shandling (already told that story in the previous blog entry - check it out, if you haven't already, or if you have already but really want to read it again), James Burrows (he was eating, so I left him to his meal. Wasn't that nice of me? Of course it was), Lisa Kudrow (because I only saw her on stage), and I'm sure there were others that I have blocked from my infallable memory.

OK, as if that wasn't enough, here are three celebrity sightings (unportroided, as I decided to not carry my camera that day) from our weekend trip to Las Vegas last weekend.

Joe Montana. You may know him as a guy who used to play football. My dad spotted him in the Paris hotel. Shucks my luck!

Carrot Top. Not just a regular old Carrot Top sighting, but imagine this: my dad and I were standing in the Luxor, and here walks up Carrot Top ... talking with Erica!!! My wife and Carrot Top, that is something I would never have expected to see. Very surreal. Evidently they met on the escalator and became fast friends. I didn't have my Polaroid, so no Carrot Top portroid. Sorry, Mr. Top.

Martin Kove!!! I know you're saying, "who?" in that demanding way you have of saying "who?", but this was something I kicked myself for missing. Martin Kove played John Kreese in The Karate Kid. He was the mean sensei from Cobra Kai dojo and seeing him gave me such a thrill. He was walking around on the strip out in front of the MGM Grand. Erica and I both spotted him and turned to each other and smiled. You have a problem with that, Mr. Lawrence? No sensei!! I wanted to sweep his leg, portroid-style, but left my camera in the room. Curse me!!!! No mercy for the portroid artist unprepared!

So, that's it. That's all I can remember from the past few weeks of missed portroids. Have your laugh. I'll get the last laugh in the end (maybe).

We'll see (maybe),

1 comment:

Bethalow said...

All that sucks. The more I read, the more I realize I will never be worthy of being an assistant. Erica- you be the assistant! ;)